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2005 Spooky Awards

Every Morning Our Love is New

by Ursula

[Story Headers]

Title: Every Morning Our Love is New

Author/Pseudonym: Ursula

Fandom: X-Files

Pairing: Mulder/Skinner/Krycek

Rating: NC-17

Status: Finished Stand Alone

Date Posted:

Archive: FHSA

E-mail address for feedback: Fan4Richie or Ursula4X@aol.com

Classification: Hurt Comfort Slash

Series/Sequel: Is this story part of a series: No

Web Site: http://www.fhsarchive.com/stories/Ursula.html

Disclaimers: No profit, fan fiction for fun

Notes: AU from Existence

Written for the triple talent of Laura (Wolfens) Writer, Artist, and all around wonderful beta reader. Sorry this took so long!

Warnings: Schmoop.

Time Frame: After Existence alternative

OooOooO

The sight of his lover falling to the cold concrete froze Mulder in place. He looked at Walter Skinner's blank face as he raised the gun again.

"No, Walter, no, don't" Mulder wanted to say, but speech was beyond him.

A moment later, there was another shot, but the bullet didn't hit Alex's crumpled body. Instead, Walter fell, a bullet in the middle of his forehead just like the one that had penetrated Alex's brain.

The shooter came out of the shadows. It was Walter, a Walter with a heavy bandage over his forehead. He fired again into his double's body and this time, the body sizzled and dissolved into green vapor.

Immediately, Mulder turned his attention to Alex's supposed body. It remained intact. He walked a few steps, crumpled beside his lover, and took his hand in his own.

"Out of the way, Mulder," Walter said.

Jeremiah Smith emerged from hiding and went to Alex's body. He hissed and said, "His brain is damaged. I can heal the rest of the wounds. I can fix the tissue damage, but he may not be the man you knew."

"Do it," Walter said in unison with Mulder.

"You go after Scully," Walter said. "I'll take care of him."

Risking Walter's ire, Mulder knelt and kissed Alex's bloodstained cheek. He didn't know what had been done to Alex to cause his behavior today, but he hoped that when he returned from helping Scully that his lover would be healed and back to himself.

"Take care of him, Walter," Mulder said. His mind raced ahead to the task before him. Scully would always be his best friend and the child...regardless of where the baby had come from, deserved a chance to live as something other than an alien experiment. Still, he would have stayed too if he could. He had to trust Walter, but then who better to trust?

OooOooO

"I need a safe place to take him," Walter said. "Providing you can keep him alive."

"He is strong. His will to live is strong," Jeremiah remarked. He bowed his head; his hands still pressed to Alex's chest.

"I know," Walter said, thinking of the event earlier. He had been knocked out on the elevator and woke up, looking at his own face. Across the room, Alex slumped in a chair, a gun at his head.

The clone gloated over him, a demented expression in his eyes. Somehow that seemed wrong from the bits and pieces that Walter had heard. Looking across at Alex, Walter said, "Is this one of Mulder's shape changers?"

"Unfortunately, no," Alex said. "He's human or was once human. He's a force-grown duplicate of you, modified to be a super soldier."

"Not a duplicate," the creature growled, "a perfect model."

"Now, Alex, you can make a choice," Spender's well-hated voice interjected. "I have had enough of you thwarting our plans. You can choose. Mulder's life or Walter's. Choose well. And just to make the deal sweeter. My version of your lover will go with you. If you don't make the right decision, you and Mulder will die."

"What if Mulder kills me?" Alex said. "He might shoot first and ask questions later."

"I saw through your little charade long ago," Spender said. "The choice is simple. You and Skinner or Mulder. "

"As if I can trust you to keep your word," Alex spat.

"Take it or you and Skinner can watch each other incubate Greys," Spender said.

At that, Alex had gone pale. A moment later, he said, "Anything but that."

Spender nodded and said, "I thought you would see reason."

No matter how Walter raved and cursed, Alex left with the clone. Spender stayed behind to gloat and then said, "But I have no further need of you, Mr. Skinner. You may as well be made useful."

With a wave of his hand, Spender had directed Walter to be brought to the laboratory. That might have been the end of the story except that one of the guards morphed into Jeremiah Smith. The alien messiah had been looking for Alex; information that didn't surprise Walter. Alex had finally admitted he was working for the resistance about the same time that he ended up in bed with Walter and Mulder.

Walter considered himself lucky that Smith understood enough about human motives to know that Alex would want him to rescue Walter before dashing after his real quarry. Together, they took a car and followed Walter's clone and Alex back to the Hoover.

Already suspecting Alex's plan, Walter grimly sped toward the Hoover. He knew Alex couldn't kill Mulder; he'd disobeyed orders many times when different sides of the project decided that Mulder was too dangerous to live. Much as Walter hoped Mulder wouldn't let his buttons be pushed; God knows, Alex was the one who knew how to push them.

OooOooO

Alex was alive; Walter had never been given to fooling himself or dreaming, but he had to believe that his lover would be okay. That when those dusky eyelids opened that the green eyes would be the loving ones he remembered. He promised himself that no matter what; he would take care of Alex, even if it meant caring for an invalid. He looked in the mirror and wished he could be the one holding his beloved.

Jeremiah directed him further and further away from the main roads, towards the eastern reach Blue Ridge Mountains. He said, "High places are often not safe, but this place has a large deposit of magnetite; it is safe from the super soldiers and the black oil."

"What in hell are the super soldiers?" Walter asked. He knew that something had chased Mulder, Scully, and then him, but he didn't have a name for the super humans nor was he sure if he wanted to even think about what he had saw; a hand punching through solid metal.

"They are what once was human, modified by your human military to be more and less than human. Billy Miles was one. Your Mulder would be one if Alex had not cured him with an injection of magnetite before he transformed," Jeremiah said.

"A monster?" Walter remarked, a scornful note in his voice.

"Walter, if you don't believe, you are going to fail both men that you love, everything you love," Jeremiah said. "You believe enough to have watched me bring Alex back from the dead."

"Yes, I believed that. I had to," Walter said. "That thing I killed a while back . . . was that a super soldier?"

"No, merely a shape changer," Jeremiah said. "One of my race, enslaved to the Greys."

"You're not the same?" Walter asked.

Glancing back in the mirror, he saw Jeremiah's face twist in a grimace. The healer said, "Never, not at all. Alex told you, didn't he? A war fought in heaven? My race was enslaved so long ago that we no longer have a home. We're gypsies lost in space. Because we had useful abilities, they bred us like cattle, each generation forgetting more of our history. We had to pass our culture through songs, keeping even those to the few. We've looked for a planet with a race that could be strong, could resist with us."

"That's us?" Walter said, feeling a stirring of pride.

"It has to be or we are lost," Jeremiah said. "All we ask is the opportunity to stand with you, to have a place here when it is over."

"Alex believed that? He believed that you would stay on Earth peacefully?" Walter asked. His instincts told him to trust Jeremiah, but his trained intelligence argued with the thought.

"He believed because he understood us," Jeremiah said. "We are weary. All we ask is a place to fight one last battle, to win or lose along side our allies."

"I have to trust you," Walter said. "For his sake."

"Good," Jeremiah said, sounding as if the weight of the world was on his back. "Someday, perhaps, you will understand as your beloved does."

OooOooO

Five hours into the drive, Jeremiah took over. Walter crawled in back to hold Alex in his arms. The head injury had closed, leaving not so much as a pock mark as evidence. Walter smoothed back his lover's short hair, wishing Alex would grow it longer again as it had been when...Walter thought he had seduced him.

Walter's breath caught in his chest as he remembered. It had not been the finest time in his life. That year had been full of Mulder uproar, the man he respected, liked, and lusted for constantly confronting him, accusing him. It would not have stung as painfully except there were elements of truth.

Then Alex Krycek was waved in his face, his appointment to the Hoover unusual despite his top flight scores at the academy. Walter remembered admiring the young agent, finding him very attractive, another temptation to torment him. Alex had brought the same information that Mulder had shown him earlier. Only now Blevins called, instructing him to open the case and assign both Krycek and Mulder.

Looking back, Walter had to put down his decision to seduce Alex Krycek as not one of the most logical decisions he had ever made. He had decided that the young agent was fair game, off the books for the protection and respect he would normally give to any of his employees. This one was as sweet as candy, dangled in front of him for the taking. That had been a terrible year. Sharon had left him. Mulder was furious with him. He was more aware than ever that someone who did not have the best interests of the FBI was calling the shots above his head. Walter didn't need proof to know the agent was a puppet for the grey faced man, who insisted on smoking in his office. He saw it in the way Krycek glanced at the man during briefings. He could smell the scent of Morleys on Krycek like an invisible brand.

Walter had the excuse of a bad week, a week where Mulder had almost come across the desk at him. Mulder had come near to cursing at him.

It hadn't even been a seduction if Walter was honest. He had driven Krycek back from a meeting because the agent had lost his ride back...lost it because Mulder had taken a call after debriefing on the Grissom case and ditched him.

The work day was over by the time they went out the door. Walter had offered to buy dinner and Alex was willing. Driving back toward Alexandria, Walter had pulled off the road, parking in a turnout made private by sheltering trees. He turned to face Krycek and said, "I know who you're working for."

"Same people as you according to my badge," Alex had replied.

Deliberately, Walter had reached over and put his hand on Alex's thigh. "There's a man with a bad smoking habit, who you report to. He doesn't give me my orders."

Alex had reached down as if to remove Walter's hand then slumped back in resignation. "What do you want, Skinner?"

"For once, I don't want to be the only one getting fucked," Walter had said bluntly.

"You . . ." Alex had spat then he said, "You think you know what's going on. You don't know me."

"I don't want to know you," Walter said, unbuckling his seat belt and in the same moment, capturing Alex in a brutal kiss. His hands unbuttoned Alex's shirt, unzipped his pants, exploring with eager hands.

Walter's fingers pinched Alex's nipple; his other hand fondled Alex's cock. He felt Alex's dick jump in his hands, heard his breath become staccato. He had no intention of raping Alex; he wasn't that far from his moral high ground although he was close to drowning in his frustration with what had been happening in the FBI. He responded when Alex pushed him away, easing back to his side of the car.

It was a temptation to force the issue. Alex already looked ravaged, his mouth ripening from Walter's kisses, his eyes glistening with tears, his chest heaving. His nipples were peaked and the redness of arousal showed from his cheeks to his breastbone. The plain white shirt was rumpled and spread to the sides like wings. His partially erect cock slumbered where Walter had let it go, outside Alex's inexpensive trousers.

"Not like this," Alex said. "If you want me, you get a room. If I'm going to be treated like a whore, at least, don't treat me as a cheap one."

Drawing a sharp breath, Alex buttoned his shirt, gingerly moved his dick back into his pants, and turned his face to stare out the window, refusing to look at Walter.

"All right," Walter agreed, straightening his clothing. "I'll do that."

A chain drug store yielded condoms and lube. The hotel Walter spotted with a vacancy sign was clean and the Asian proprietors didn't question his money nor did they check to see the license plate for the car was the one actually on the vehicle. He took the key and walked back to Alex, dangling it in his face.

His quarry followed Walter to the room, drew the blinds while Walter locked the door, and without a word undressed. Alex was beautifully made, his body showing a softness that spoke of his youth without blurring the definition Walter liked in a male lover. Walter waited until Alex stood entirely naked before moving toward him. His hands roved over Alex's naked back, caressing and then moving lower until both hands kneaded his full ass, parting the cheeks to stroke his thumb across the tight opening.

"Take your damn clothes off," Alex muttered. "I'm not playing naked whore to your john."

"Undress me," Walter invited.

Alex laughed at that, but took the challenge, his hands pulling off Walter's jacket, tossing it over toward a chair. He tugged off Walter's belt then rapidly unbuttoned his shirt, stopping for a minute to brush his fingers over the soft linen fabric.

"You have a good body," Alex said. "Spend a lot of time, working out?"

"I spend a lot of time, trying to deal with how I feel when I've been jerked around by your boss and whoever the rest of those faceless bastards are," Walter corrected.

"You think I like him?" Alex replied.

"I told you that I'm not interested in how you feel," Walter said. He unzipped his fly, kicked off his shoes, and finished undressing. He grabbed Alex by the hips and walked him backwards until he toppled over onto the bed. "Other than here," Walter said, "because here I'm going to make you squirm. I'm going to make you cry my name."

Alex's mouth was made for kissing. Walter teased it open, their tongues dueling as his hands returned to mapping the treasures he intended to plunder. It took a moment for Alex's hands to return the favor. There was an engaging tentativeness about his movements, as if he was not sure how to handle this, as if he had not been in bed with another man before.

Walter doubted that could be true; Alex's manner and responses had told him that he was not a virgin to this. When Alex slid downward to take Walter in his mouth, Walter knew Alex had done this before. He lay back, shutting his eyes, thought about Mulder for just few seconds before the object of his forbidden lust was replaced by the one who was pleasing him right now.

"Come here," Walter said, tugging lightly on the silken strands of hair he grasped. "I'm going to come inside you."

A small noise sounded, not quite a protest and Alex obeyed so quickly that Walter chose to ignore it.

"On your back," Walter instructed. "Your face is too pretty not to see when I come."

Taking the lube, Walter smeared his fingers with more than enough. Something told him to go the entire routine although he was out of the habit; most of the men he had been with were whores.

His legs widely spread, a pillow supporting him, Alex looked ready to ravish. He held his cock to keep it out of Walter's way. It was still partially erect, but flagging a little as Walter worked him open. "I'm not going to hurt you," Walter said, "I promise."

A roll of the eyes expressed what? Walter couldn't tell. That Alex didn't believe him or that Walter was misreading signs that Alex hadn't done this often.

Discipline kept Walter from coming as he slowly pushed into the resistant opening. Alex tensed for a moment, but Walter waited and said, "Push back a little and relax. You are going to come this way; I'll make you."

Green eyes stared at him as if Walter was one of Mulder's aliens. Walter closed his eyes, trying to sense his partner's responses. He felt Alex suddenly move upward when he slid in fully. The long sigh combined with a groan was the sexiest thing he had heard for a long time. That was it. Walter moved again, his thrusts carefully controlled to slide along Alex's prostrate. He reached to move Alex's hands aside, milking Alex's cock in time to his thrusts. It was suddenly very important to him to make his teasing comment become true. He wanted Alex to come from him fucking him.

"My name, here in bed, is Walter," Walter said. "In bed, I will treat you as someone I care about. In bed, I will make you feel all the pleasure I take in having you. And I . . ."

Walter thrust deeply and smoothly as his hand enclosed Alex's hard flesh.

"I'm going to have you over and over, Alex," Walter said. "I'm going to take great pleasure in stripping you out of your little green agent disguise and making you into this. This whimpering creature that lives for my touch. That's what you want, Alex, isn't it?"

"Yes," Alex whimpered, "yes. Yes. Just . . . do that again."

"My name," Walter said.

"Walter, ah, do it to me, Walter. Fuck me." Alex begged, sweat pouring from him.

Walter couldn't help obeying. He had to come. He had to move faster. It felt like flying, like burning in a fire that stormed his nerves with pleasure. His being was narrowed until all of his senses, the universe was confined in his cock and Alex's ass. His heart thundered and he gasped...his world dissolved into one sharp pleasure followed by ripples which shook him until he slumped, half over Alex.

"Get off me," Alex's voice said.

Gently, Walter pulled out, noticed that his condom was tinged with pink. He had been careful, but Alex had felt as if no one had ever breached him.

"Thank you, Alex," Walter whispered. He disposed of the condom and took Alex back into his arms. He kissed Alex's eye lids when his newly made lover nestled his face into his neck then tilted Alex's face up to kiss his mouth again. His hand massaged the small of Alex's back until Alex made an annoyed sound and pushed away from him.

"Be right back," Alex said. "Give me a few minutes."

Walter listened to the toilet flush a few minutes later and then to the shower run. Alex came back, wrapped in a towel.

"Now what?" Alex said. "We get dressed and you take me home?"

"I'm not finished with you yet," Walter said. "Come here."

"I don't want you to fuck me again tonight," Alex said. "It was good, better than I ever thought but . . ."

"You were a virgin to that," Walter said.

"Yeah," Alex admitted. "Always kept it to blowjobs. Always thought it was too messy."

"How about the other way?" Walter asked. "Pitching?"

"Not that either," Alex said. "You saying that you would let me? I'm not saying I want to."

"I'm saying that I wouldn't do it to you if I didn't like it myself," Walter said. He smiled at Alex. Alex might know when to be obedient, but that didn't mean he was tame. "Come back to bed."

Alex's eyes narrowed, but he took Walter's hand and let himself be pulled back to bed. Walter wasn't interested in fucking right now, but he was still interested in Alex. If he had been thinking, he would have known that was a bad sign.

Liking what he saw and what he touched, Walter let his approach be as tender as he was always with Sharon, but he admitted he felt more passion for this beautiful young man than he felt for his wife. Maybe she knew and maybe that was why she left him, freeing him to go back to what he had denied himself in the flesh, but longed for despite his wishes.

Gradually Alex had returned his touch, had warmed to him, and, being young, had become aroused before Walter was ready for a return bout. Letting Alex prepare him finally stirred Walter back to life. He liked Alex's expression, lips drawn in, eyes fierce and intense as Alex reached between his legs, opening him with endearing eagerness. Alex seemed surprised that this was going to happen and in a hurry lest Walter change his mind. No chance of that. Walter did like this way; he liked sex almost any way he could get it. Besides, he didn't want Alex to avoid him. He wanted to be able to give him a smoldering look and have him ready to meet him anywhere.

Although Walter had always prided himself on not having many illusions, he really fooled himself. He told himself that it was a practical arrangement. He had an outlet for the kind of sex he liked best, without emotional entanglements. What he forgot is that there were always emotional entanglements for him. He fell for Alex and, despite that inauspicious beginning, he thought Alex fell for him, too. Then he believed that it was nothing...when he didn't believe that, to some extent, Alex's behavior toward him was not merely that he as on the other side, but was pure hatred for what he had done, for what Alex had to pretend.

It didn't explain why there were times Alex turned to him. That he arrived, sensual and dark, to share Walter's bed. That Walter never refused, because, well, who would?

Certainly not Mulder . . .

That was the other thing. Walter remembered the day Mulder came to him after Scully's return and told him the rest. Let the other shoe drop. Mulder had admitted to having a sexual relationship with Alex. To be honest, Walter felt like punching him, felt himself ready to fly into a jealous rage before he told himself that Alex was gone and that he had nothing with Alex, nothing but a forced relationship, deeply resented by Alex.

Mulder mistook the look for disgust and turned bright red, making some hasty comments about being judgmental. They had argued; it became physical only this time, the heat turned to fire and they ended up in Walter's bed. Neither of them admitted to thinking of Alex, not as anything other than a past mistake and a present menace.

Words unspoken did not make the truth any less true. Alex was there. He had always been with them, with them in every touch, every kiss, every groan . . .

And finally . . .

Alex was back with them. In their bed before Walter and Mulder went to Oregon after the saucer. In Walter's bed while Mulder was gone. Back with them after Mulder awoke from the sleep of the dead. It wasn't perfect. Was far from an idyll. There wasn't much trust, but there was fire and passion that made it impossible to stop. Hate and love, fear and lust, jumbled into a relationship that consumed the three of them, made them unable to stop thinking about the next time. They had tumbled into bed every chance they could, needing each other like a junkie needs a fix.

Satiated, one night, they started to talk, to communicate, and inch by inch, slow yielding some of their barriers to each other. There was a moment when the Alex they had believed did not exist looked out of the harder face. Somehow both Mulder and Walter conquered their remaining anger and reached out to him. They found what they had in the past was a shadow of what they could have if they let themselves love, if they stopped resenting the past and started building their future.

Walter wasn't the kind of person who believed in rosy futures, but it had seemed too good to be true . . .

And it was . . .

So here they were.

OooOooO

The road has as many twists as Alex's life. Walter was glad Jeremiah was driving as he was too exhausted to cope with the narrow road. Scrub pine seemed to grow in knotted ropes, clinging to rocks as wind and rain buffeted the small trees. A meadowlark sang liquids notes and Alex stirred in Walter's arms. He thought his beloved was waking and Alex's eyelashes fluttered, offering a brief glint of mossy green eyes. The bird silenced and the brief awakening was stilled.

Jeremiah and Walter carried Alex into the cabin, placing him in a double bed. The cabin had two bedrooms, a living room, kitchen with a dining area, and a good sized bathroom. The larger bedroom had a king sized bed. Jeremiah said, "You can have the room."

"But where will you sleep?" Walter asked.

"I have things to attend too," Jeremiah said, morphing into Walter's image. He smiled back at Walter, the sight making Walter shudder as he saw his own face grinning at him. "Don't worry about it. I won't abuse your position. Someone has to look after Mulder until he can join you."

"I shouldn't let you do this," Walter said, glancing back at Alex. He weighed his loyalty to the FBI against his love for Alex. Alex's eyelashes fluttered and Walter shut his eyes tightly for a moment. "Jeremiah, I have to trust you. Please don't betray me."

Gripping Walter's arm for a moment, Jeremiah gazed into his eyes.

Walter was lost in the clear blue for long moments, feeling a peace he had seldom found in his life. Jeremiah smiled and said, "I have a feeling that you will find your healing here, but not with me. With him."

Walter believed. He wanted to believe.

OooOooO

"Wake up," Walter begged, "Wake."

His plea went unanswered. Walter sighed, changed the IV and checked the catheter. Finished, he carefully bathed his sleeping beauty, keeping him perfectly clean. He moved Alex's limbs for him to keep them supple then kissed his lips and said, "Good night, love. I hope to see you awake in the morning."

Alone in the cabin, Walter read for a while, a police procedural for the pleasure of picking apart the half-assed techniques noted in the book and also because the independent, insubordinate clothes horse of detective reminded him of Mulder. He wondered when Mulder would make it here and what Jeremiah Smith was doing. Finally he tossed back two shots of the whiskey that he had found in the cabinet and went to bed with the artificial warmth glowing in his veins.

OooOooO

The next morning, Walter blearily staggered in to check the sleeping body of what had been his lover and was surprised to see green eyes staring at him. Alex wore a puzzled frown and a rather distressed expression.

"Where am I?" Alex asked.

"Some place safe," Walter replied.

"Safe?" Alex questioned. "Why would I need a safe place? Ah, shit, I'm going to fuck up on my graduation. What time is it?"

"Graduation?" Walter asked. His mind was not at its best after going to bed with two large shots of whiskey in his system.

"From the academy," Alex said, "I'm going to be an FBI agent."

Shit, this did not sound good. Walter cautiously asked, "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Went out to dinner with a couple of guys," Alex said. "One of them said something strange, something about fast track to success. It didn't sound right to me, but I decided to lead them on. They said I should meet someone and...that's all I remember."

Holding up his arm with the IV, Alex asked, "Is this a hospital? What happened to me?"

"You're at a cabin, a place where a friend brought us so I could take care of you," Walter said.

"And you are?" Alex asked.

"A friend, a close friend," Walter said. "Alex, it's 2002. Many things have happened that you don't remember."

"A friend?" Alex asked. His eyes looked veiled, a familiar look. "Where did we meet?"

"At the FBI," Walter answered.

"Great, then I made it, I became an agent," Alex said, a smile crossing his face. "Was I injured on a case? Are you my partner? Although, you're um...experienced for still being in the field."

"Experienced? Nice euphemism," Walter said. He answered, "I'm an assistant director of the FBI."

"Yeah? Cool," Alex said, in a voice Walter hadn't heard since he first met Alex, when he was playing the young agent. Yet, this was younger yet.

"So is it normal for an agent to have an assistant director as a close friend?" Alex asked.

"You haven't been an agent for several years," Walter said. "You left the FBI."

"Why would I do that? I wanted to be an FBI agent all of my life!" Alex said, his tone one of shock and disbelief. He struggled to the side of the bed and tried to get up.

"Alex, Alex, settle down," Walter said.

"No! You're crazy. You must have kidnapped me," Alex shouted, fending off Walter's hands.

"Agent Krycek!" Walter yelled, in a voice that would have even given Mulder pause. "Agent Krycek, calm down. You've been injured and thrashing around is not going to help you heal. Listen to me. I can prove that you've lost time. Just give me a minute."

Taking out his driver's license and FBI ID, Walter shoved them in front of Alex's face. His lover's eyes widened as he saw the dates, but he shook his head and said, "They could be faked."

"I'll turn on the TV," Walter said. "Do you think I could fake news broadcasts?"

Still looking paranoid, Alex waited for Walter to move the TV into the room and plug it in. He switched channels rapidly, stopping at each news broadcast. "Shit," Alex said. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Covering his eyes, Alex sank back into the bed and buried his face in the pillows. Muffled, his words sounded despairing. "Leave me alone. Just leave me alone. I can't deal with this."

Touching Alex lightly, Walter said, "I'll be in the next room if you need anything. I love you. Just remember that. I love you. You are loved."

OooOooO

Tired from lack of sleep and emotional tailspins, Walter slumped in the small living room after starting a fire. He drowsed until he heard a noise in the room, opening his eyes to see Alex swaying in front of him. Afraid that Alex would fall, Walter stood to catch him just as Alex tumbled toward him. They ended up in the big armchair, Alex sprawled across his lap. Walter felt Alex shuddering and held him tightly.

"It's all right," Walter soothed. "It's going to be fine. I'm here to take care of you."

Gradually, the gasping sobs stopped. Walter would have been glad to have held Alex while he slept, but his lover was heavy. He could feel his legs going numb already. He said softly, "Time for you to go back to bed."

"Stay with me," Alex said. "Sleep with me."

That was an invitation Walter could not resist. He said, "All right, Alex."

Before Alex closed his eyes again, he said, "Not friends...you said you were my friend. I know. You're my lover."

Putting his arms around Alex, Walter said, "I'm your lover who would like to be your friend."

"When I feel better, you have to tell me about us, how we become lovers," Alex said.

"You might remember yourself when you wake again," Walter said. He felt a pang at that, wishing that there was less sorrow for Alex to find with his memories.

OooOooO

Sleepily, Walter reached for his lover as he felt Alex move away. He smiled to himself as he touched the odd combination of soft skin over hard muscle, stroked down the sturdy back until he came to the full bottom, kneading that delicious flesh contentedly.

Contentedly, that was, until his lover screamed in outrage, jumped out of bed, and kicked him soundly on the way out.

"What?" Walter asked, thinking that Alex must have remembered everything and thought it was him not his look-alike that had shot him.

"Mom, Dad," Alex shrieked before freezing in front of the mirror. "Who? What? How did this happen to me?"

"Now, calm down," Walter said. "Alex, how old are you?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out!" Alex snarled. "You old perve! How did you do this to me? Is this some kind of trick mirror?"

Rubbing his hands over his face, Alex seemed increasingly frantic as he touched the beard shadow on his face, the contours of his face. "I'm fourteen. God damn it. I'm not old."

"Of course you're not old," Walter tried to reassure. "Listen to me. Alex, you didn't magically leap from fourteen to thirty-eight. You were in an accident and you seem to be losing track of your memories. I'm your...friend, Walter Skinner."

"How do I know you're not lying? You were feeling me up. I mean just because I gave Jimmy a hand job doesn't mean I'm gay. It was just a dare," Alex babbled.

Ignoring the issue of Alex's sexuality, Walter said, "I'm a friend of yours. I'm taking care of you. I'm sure you just need a little more time to recover. Why don't you go back to sleep and, hopefully, you'll be yourself when you wake again?"

Hopefully, Alex would be himself and not a ten year old or even a baby. What if he was regressing in time? Walter didn't know how he would deal with a toddler in his lover's adult body.

"I'm not tired. I'm stinky," Alex said, sniffing the air. "And I'm hungry."

"Okay, you can go take a shower," Walter said. "Just leave the door unlocked in case you feel weak. I'll cook something to eat. What do you want?"

"Is there a McDonalds around here?" Alex asked. "I could go for a Big Mac."

"No McDonalds, but I can cook hamburger and fries," Walter said, trying to remember if there were frozen French fries in the freezer.

"None of those yucky frozen fries," Alex said, a suspicious expression on his face. "My Mom makes her own. They're good. Not like that shit they serve at school."

"Okay, home fries," Walter agreed. He knew there was an ample store of potatoes and there was a cast iron kettle that would serve as a deep fat fryer.

"And you better not come trying to look at me when I'm taking a shower," Alex said. "You're old and gross."

Wincing, Walter retreated from the teenage rudeness to the kitchen. Between Alex and Mulder, he had learned to feel pretty damn attractive. It was a shock to hear what he would have looked like to a teenage Alex.

OooOooO

Having taken a long enough shower to drain the hot water heater, Alex came drifting out, wearing the clean sweats that Walter had laid out for the older version of himself. "I don't have any jeans," Alex complained.

"I didn't think you would need anything to wear outside," Walter said. "You haven't been awake long."

"Well, I'm awake now. We should go buy some clothes for me," Alex said. "Hey, can I put the TV back out here? I want to watch it."

"I'll do it for you," Walter said. "You're not well yet."

"I feel fine," Alex said.

"Humor me," Walter said. The grease was almost hot enough, but it could use a minute or two before the fries went into it. He hauled the TV back to its former spot and plugged it in.

A moment later, Alex was sprawled on the couch, channel surfing. He said, "Wow, this place must have satellite. Lots of channels."

"Enjoy," Walter said. He dumped the fries in the sizzling grease and turned the hamburgers. There were no buns, but the bread was fresh. It would do. He made a salad and set it on the small table.

Alex drifted over, grabbed a plate, shoved much more than half the food on it and slumped back to the TV.

"I thought we would eat in here," Walter said. "Do your parents allow you to eat in front of the TV?"

"Not when they're home, but you're not my dad, Dad," Alex muttered. "Thanks for cooking though."

Scowling, Walter ate at the table, thinking dire thoughts of applying hand therapy to his now teenage brat of a lover.

After eating two hamburgers, almost all of the fries, and a healthy serving of salad, Alex stood at the refrigerator, poking around until he found chocolate ice cream. He took a spoon and opened the container, seemingly intending to eat the ice cream out of the container and with the freezer door open.

Walter had enough. He walked over, swatted Alex's butt, and said, "Get a bowl and sit down. At the table."

"Ow, govnosos! Nu vse tebe pizda!" (1) Alex said, whirling around and managing to toss chocolate ice cream on Walter's shirt.

"Zacroy rot!" (2) Walter snapped back, dragging Alex toward the sink and the dish soap.

Apparently, Walter wasn't the first to get that idea. Alex said, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Under his breath, Alex added, "How was I to know he speaks Russian?"

"You taught me a few more words than the polite ones I learned from my grandmother," Walter said. "My middle name is Sergei, Alex. My mother was Russian."

"I didn't know," Alex said. "Hey, aren't I a grown man? Where do you get off hitting me?"

"My Alex would have been the first to tell me to swat you one. He has discipline," Walter said.

"So I grew up to be a prick?" Alex asked.

"No, you grew up to be very brave and very passionate," Walter said.

"Yeah?" Alex said. He smiled and said, "That's cool. Can I have some ice cream? In a bowl?"

"Feel free," Walter said.

A huge bowl of ice cream in front of him, Alex looked happy despite the swat or perhaps because of it. The ice cream went down as swiftly as the rest of the meal. Without a word, Alex washed the dishes, revealing the snotty teenager had been testing Walter.

It was odd to see Alex's body move with the awkwardness of a young teen, not yet used to his rapidly growing body. He was restless, unguarded, curious as a monkey. He explored the cabin as if looking for a way out. Rambling through the closet, he found Alex's leather jacket. Walter wasn't sure how Jeremiah managed to get it here, but he had been happy to see it, knowing that Alex was attached to the garment.

"Hey, I really want one of these," Alex said. He tried the jacket on and said, "Fits. I guess I must have finally got one."

"Yes, it's yours," Walter said.

"Cool," Alex said, going through the pockets. He pulled out a couple of condoms and hastily pushed them back out of sight.

Choking back a laugh, Walter sat down and flipped through the channels until he found a football game. Alex wondered around, sighed than flopped next to Walter. By half time, Alex's head was against Walter's shoulder. He yawned and muttered as Walter guided him back to his bed.

"See you in the morning," Walter said, wondering which Alex would wake.

OooOooO

Waking up, Walter was aware of weight straddling him. He looked up into Alex's smiling face and heard, "Wow, did we go drinking or something? I don't remember coming here at all. Where are we? You decide to steal me away?"

Alex chuckled, that deep sexy laugh that always made Walter's cock stand up. He smiled down and leaned over to kiss Walter. "I don't know how you pulled this one off, but I like it."

"Hey," Walter managed although most of his brains had just dropped to his groin. As Alex's lips claimed his, Walter forgot about saying anything relevant.

Alex's eager hands shoved down the sweats that Walter had been wearing. He grasped Walter's cock, his touch finishing what his mere proximity had started.

"I like it when you get all inventive on me," Alex said with a chuckle. "Am I supposed to swoon and cry rape now?"

Thinking of the kid Alex who had gone to sleep, Walter almost lost his erection before his lover leaned down and recaptured it with a deep kiss. "Mmm, my favorite breakfast."

Gently, considering his lover's injuries, Walter grasped Alex with both hands and rolled him over onto his back. Standing up long enough to strip both of them, Walter felt that familiar ache not only in his erection, but in his heart.

"Love the hell out of you," Walter said, surprised to feel a twitch of surprise.

"You never say that," Alex said. "You NEVER say that."

Shit, where was Alex now, his lover lost in time?

"Then I should start now," Walter said.

Alex was still distant. He pulled away a little and said, "It's just sex, Walter."

Walter wouldn't argue with him, not with words. With Alex, touch had always worked better.

"Whatever you say," Walter replied, catching the shadow across Alex's eyes when he gave in.

Slipping his hand behind Alex's head, Walter looked deep into his lover's eyes and mouthed, "I love you."

This time, Alex didn't argue. He drew Walter down into his kiss, as much of their bodies touching as possible. His hands held on tight.

Without further facts needed, Walter knew which Alex held him. This was the one he had taken in a fit of desire and resentment. The one he had felt such passion for and resented so deeply when he lost him. The one he felt he had wronged so deeply that it sent the scene for the pain they later gave each other.

Side by side, the two of them mapped each other's bodies. Walter saw a fleeting wonder as Alex touched the scar Cardinal had put on his torso. In Alex's case, there were marks missing, the terrible truncation of his arm that Jeremiah had erased as if it had never been, lesser scars that had accidentally been healed when the greater wounds that had taken Alex to death and back had been mended.

Kissing away the questions in Alex's eyes, Walter moved downward to nuzzle his lover's neck then to kiss the wings of his breastbone, explore the softness of his belly before claiming his erection. Taking him deep, Walter used every trick in his repertoire to overwhelm Alex with pleasure. He loved the way Alex's eyes rolled back, the way his groans caught as Alex tried to silence them. He loved the way Alex arched to him, all of his being offered helplessly to Walter's love making.

It crossed his mind that at that time, Walter had never made love to Alex without a condom. He felt the way Alex pulled back, trying to stop Walter in time, but he pressed forward, a flick and a deep suck breaking Alex's willpower. He felt Alex's scream of completion vibrate through both of their bodies.

Turning away, burying his face in the pillows, Alex muttered, "Fuck me now."

Ah, that was like telling a flood to flow! Walter could no more stop himself than a torrent could stop from jumping its banks. That's what Alex had always done to him, made him lose control, forget everything but the moment. Perhaps that was what Walter loved best about him.

Although Walter knew that ass, the touch of it, full and silken of flesh, the way Alex would yield to him, had opened to him even before he knew how, he recognized that something was different, thinking that Jeremiah had so much to heal that Alex's body had been restored to his youth, before...to a time when he didn't yet belong to Walter.

The ritual enchanted Walter where it had once irritated him, made him think of the simplicity of making love to a woman. He had to smile at that. Perhaps if he had not thought in that way, Sharon might never have left him and this would be another story.

Now it was an act of worship, to reach inside Alex and stroke him open, to feel his deep breaths, the control it took to let Walter inside. It moved Walter to feel Alex's hand come around to hold him closer as he started to thrust his way to paradise. They fitted perfectly to each other.

It surprised Walter to feel Alex start to respond as he did when he was going to come. It was not that they ever tired of each other, but Alex was getting older, too. He seldom came twice as he had when he had been the green agent, the young and beautiful temptation that Walter had not resisted.

Exploring, Walter found the taut erection. The heat of Alex's cock in his hand always made his own cock jerk with pleasure; he remembered someone telling him when he was young and more innocent that jacking another guy felt no different than doing it to yourself. Not hardly. He was always aware who he was pleasuring. He would have known either of his lover's cock anywhere. He knew exactly what each of them liked and he loved to give it to them. Now, he moved his hand rapidly, wanting to take Alex with him into orgasm. Walter's heart was beating so rapidly that he had to wonder if the 'little death' was going to become the final one.

Both of them were moaning so deeply that it would have sounded as if they were in agony. It was that good that it seemed as if Walter could have done this forever yet needed with all his being to come, right now, instantly.

One final thrust, deep, deep, to get to the core of his lover, to have him, elusive creature that Walter had always felt he could not hold. Then the two of them, bodies snapping to a rigor of pleasure and over. Over, into the nerve searing, mindless gasp of completion.

One final murmur from Alex... "When did it get this good?"

Walter smiled. He knew the answer and whispered it, "When I admitted that I loved you."

"Oh, Walter," Alex said, his voice rough with the portents only he knew at that point in his life.

OooOooO

The touch of something warm and wet woke Walter with a shock. He looked up at Mulder, grinning, holding a washcloth.

"Thought I would make myself useful. I see Alex is feeling reasonably well," Mulder said.

The evidence was plain; Walter had fallen asleep, pressed tight to Alex's ass, not having bothered to clean up the messy traces of their love-making.

Muttering, Alex groped for a moment, seeking him, but settled when Walter carefully covered him. Holding up a finger to his mouth to shush Mulder...impossible task as that was, Walter grabbed his clothes on his way out of the room.

"I need a shower," Walter said.

"You look good to me and so did Alex. I gather he's okay?" Mulder asked.

"Yes and no," Walter answered. "Let me take that shower and clear my head."

"Want someone to scrub your back?" Mulder offered.

That warranted a kiss, but Walter could have slept another eight hours despite having had a good night's sleep before Alex woke him so wonderfully.

"Love you, but love you more if you make me coffee," Walter said.

"I think the romance is gone," Mulder joked.

OooOooO

Mulder knew Scully didn't understand and how could he explain? He loved her yet he could not force passion from his heart. They could have married, lived together for fifty years of friendship, but the love Scully deserved from him would always belong to Alex and Walter. Alex was fire, the love that could not be denied or quenched. Walter was the hearth, the one who steadied him, his husband, the kind of relationship that could survive bumped heads and vast differences to walk hand in hand after twenty years.

It was not that Mulder couldn't explain that to Scully, words had always been easy for him. It was that she would never understand, not even Walter. Although Scully always had a supportive word for gay couples, she could not change her nature and part of her would always be a Catholic schoolgirl, pet of the nuns. Nor could Mulder expect her to yield gracefully with all the mixed signals he had given her over the years.

Telling himself that it was safer for Scully without him...she was under Doggett and Monica's watchful eyes...Mulder had left as soon as Jeremiah contacted him.

As he made coffee and listened to the shower run, Mulder wondered what Walter meant, yes and no? From what Mulder had seen, Alex was more than fine. He hadn't even thought about Jeremiah restoring Alex's arm...not that he ever let it bother him. His ideal of Alex was held in his heart and no earthly scar could tarnish his icon.

Damn, it had been difficult to keep from climbing into that bed with his lovers. Mulder smiled to himself. Put Walter and Alex and a cabin in one hand and the fate of the world in the other; it still would have been a hard choice.

Walter, much cleaner, and dressed, more the pity, came into the kitchen and embraced him, nuzzling his neck. Mulder twisted around to give his lover an enthused kiss.

"Mmm, want to go back to bed? We could wake Alex up and..." Mulder invited.

"Waking him could be the problem," Walter answered.

"What do you mean?" Mulder asked.

Alex had looked fine to him and he was sure that Walter would have said something if he was afraid that their lover was still at risk of coma.

"He looks fine to me," Mulder added.

"Physically," Walter said. "He's better than he was, but he's having some unusual problems. Neurological issues."

Ah, Mulder thought. This sounds good. He knew that almost queasy tone very well. He heard it whenever the paranormal or abnormal psychology was involved. He grinned. "Come on, Walter, 'fess up!"

As it turned out, Walter didn't need to explain.

Alex arrived in the room at that point, rumpled hair, wearing nothing but one of Walter's flannel shirts. His sexy saunter stopped abruptly when he spotted Mulder.

A squeak emerged and then, "Agent Mulder!"

"We were just..." Alex gasped out. "AD Skinner and I were. Ah, shit, Mulder, what the fuck are you doing here?"

The furious blush traveling down Alex's chest was distracting. Mulder's brain disengaged momentarily in favor of sending all the available blood to his groin. He loved it when Alex's flustered fingers let go of the shirt, revealing his well-muscled torso and tiny rounded belly.

"I was rushing to my lover's side," Mulder said.

A scowl greeted that remark and a heated look directed at Walter. "You and him?" Alex commented. "What was I? A cheap substitute?"

"Alex, what the hell are you talking about? I thought this was all worked out long ago?" Mulder remarked.

Looking helpless and very, very adorable, Alex said, "Mulder, did your aliens abduct you or something?"

"What the hell?" Mulder asked. "Walter, what's wrong with him?"

"Alex, why don't you go get dressed?" Walter said. "I asked Mulder here to help you."

"Help me?" Alex asked, pulling the shirt edges together.

"Yes, help you get away from the project," Walter said. "I decided we can't live the way we were. I want you to be with me."

"Walter? Really?" Alex said. His face glowed with joy although he said, "It will never work. They'll kill me for sure."

"I have some ideas and Mulder's going to help us," Walter replied. "Go put some clothes on, boy."

"Spoil sport," Mulder complained, feeling like a voyeur when he eyed a flash of Alex's round ass from beneath the shirt.

After Alex was safely out of the room, Mulder asked, "What exactly is going on with him? Some form of amnesia?"

"A memory problem," Walter said. "A condition that I never encountered or read about. Every time he goes to sleep, he wakes up at a different point of his life. It's been...interesting. I never know when I go to sleep which Alex I will wake up to. Yesterday, I woke up with a horrified fourteen year old boy!"

Evil thoughts filtering through Mulder's head, he asked, "Did you seduce him? I mean, he wasn't really a kid."

"Mulder! Mulder, if you ever...Of course not, I didn't," Walter said. "And if you ever do anything with Alex if he regresses to a teenager, I swear I'll...I'll neuter you!"

"I was just joking," Mulder said,
crossing his legs and offering a feeble grin.

"You had better be," Walter said. "Now, I need you to think. What have you read about his condition?"

"It sounds somewhat like anterograde amnesia," Mulder said. "Except for the lack of a fixed date. Can he retain his memory of the present until he sleeps?"

"I think he can," Walter said. "I've been trying to find out where Jeremiah is. If this is the result of brain damage, perhaps Alex can be healed."

"I thought Jeremiah said he healed all the physical damage," Mulder said. He shook his head. "I wonder if it could be emotional? Alex has been through so much. Maybe he overloaded at last?"

"Could be," Walter said. "If that's the case, what can we do? I don't think Jeremiah can cure psychological problems."

"We can protect him," Mulder said. "Make sure he doesn't experience any stress. Keep him happy. Hell, it's damn near Christmas. We can do the brotherly love thing."

"Not too brotherly," Walter said.

"Of course not," Mulder said with a leer. "I think we should just tell Alex what happened every time he wakes up. See how that works."

"I don't agree," Walter said. "That would be upsetting. Emotionally, he is the age that he regresses to. He has all the reactions, likes, fears. We can't just pull him into the present like that."

"Why not? He's intelligent, resilient," Mulder said. "I wouldn't want to be kept in the dark and I can tell you Alex and I have a lot in common besides liking your cock and ass and everything between."

"Let's try it my way," Walter argued. "If Alex doesn't snap out of it in a few days, we can try your way."

"You're the boss," Mulder answered. "I think I'll see if I can seduce Alex. It'll be like the first time all over again."

"Mulder..." Walter said, then shrugged. "Mulder, be careful with him."

OooOooO

"I'm going for a walk," Walter said.

Of course, Alex promptly said, "I'll go with you."

With a glance at Mulder, Walter cupped Alex's cheek and kissed him tenderly. "It's all right. You stay here and get to know Mulder. He cares a lot about us and it's important to me that you and he get over your difference."

Alex looked sweetly puzzled again. Mulder loved that look.

"I'll get breakfast started," Mulder said.

"Don't burn anything down," Walter advised.

Ignoring that, Mulder found some eggs and bread. "I'll make you French toast," he said to Alex. "I remember you like that. Hmm, these little steaks might be good too."

"I don't understand this, Mulder," Alex said. "I didn't think you even liked me. Why help me?"

"What makes you think I don't like you?" Mulder said, cracking eggs into a bowl. "Do you put nutmeg in your French toast?"

"Yes," Alex said.

Checking through the cupboards, Mulder found the tin of the spice. He dashed some into the eggs and whipped them around with a fork. Alex watched for a while then said with some hesitation," Mulder, most people add milk to French toast."

"Oh," Mulder said, "Yeah, I was thinking of something else. Pour some milk in here, Alex."

Obediently, Alex fetched a gallon of milk from the refrigerator and sloshed some into Mulder's bowl. Enthusiastic whipping produced the mixture that Mulder watched Scully make when she invited him for breakfast.

"I'll heat the griddle," Alex said, still casting a leery gaze at Mulder.

"Hey, quit staring at me as if I grew another head," Mulder said. "I can be nice."

"To me?" Alex asked, sounding totally doubtful.

"Sure," Mulder said.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"I want your ass," Mulder said.

"Fuck you," Alex replied.

"That could also be arranged," Mulder said, smoothly moving around Alex to drop a couple of French toast slices on the griddle. He managed to grope Alex's ass in a manner that might have been mistaken for an accident. Alex moved away and Mulder pretended to misstep. Alex's ass pressed against Mulder's groin long enough for him to feel Mulder's erection.

"Mulder, Walter ..." Alex said.

"Walter has always wanted me," Mulder stated.

Ah, angry glare, Alex was adorable when he was jealous. Mulder smiled and said, "Yeah, you know it's true."

"So, what? You want to fuck me to get between Walter and me?" Alex said. "He loves me. He told me he loves me."

"I know he does," Mulder said. "And getting between you and Walter is exactly what I had in mind. Think about it. Really think about it. Wouldn't you like that? It's not the price of my help. You have that in any event."

Mulder could tell from Alex's expression that his lover was processing the invitation. A rosy glow spread from his cheeks down his lovely neck and...as Mulder knew from intimate knowledge, downward to his cute little navel.

"Mulder," Alex said.

"Just one kiss," Mulder said. "Come on, Alex. Give me that."

Alex looked down then his eyes slowly rose although they stayed shaded by the camouflage of his eyelashes. Oh, God, he was so perfect...

Stepping back into Alex's space, Mulder's palm tilted Alex's face toward his. His other hand explored downward, finding the familiar lines of Alex's back, stroking until he found the plump invitation of Alex's ass. Their lips met and Alex's mouth opened to his. Mulder put everything into the kiss, remembering the way he had seduced Alex that first time. The smooth, sweet hot silk of that mouth...the way Alex's breath broke raggedly. The way his body pressed ever closer to Mulder's...

"I want," Alex gasped as they broke off. "I shouldn't want you, Mulder. I need to talk to Walter. I belong to him."

"All right," Mulder said. "You ask him. I needed for you to recognize what we could have."

"Yeah, Mulder," Alex said. "Now what?"

"Now we finish making breakfast," Mulder replied.

OooOooO

When Walter returned, he saw by the guilty flash of Alex's eyes that Mulder had made the first move. He walked over, kissing Alex hard on the mouth. He could still taste Mulder on him, a familiar and seductive mingling of the two men he adored.

"I let him kiss me," Alex whispered.

"I know, love," Walter said. "It's all right."

"Breakfast is ready," Mulder said.

"A minute," Walter said, as Alex tugged his arm toward the bedroom.

Alex looked more delectable than the French toast. He whirled away from Walter once he shut the bedroom door behind them.

"You fucker," Alex said. "What was I? Bait to lure Mulder? Or was I second best because you couldn't get the one you wanted?"

His eyes fiery, his lips open as Alex took rapid breaths in the storm of his emotion, Walter's lover looked like some trapped wild creature. Walter wanted to tame him, calm him, and yet some part of him responded with a rush of desire to own him totally.

"Love, it wasn't like that," Walter said. "Yes, I am attracted to Mulder, but if you don't want him, I can say 'no'. You can say 'no'."

Alex moved away when Walter stepped closer, ending up against the scarred bulk of the dresser that crowded the room. He turned his face away. Perfect profile displayed for Walter's pleasure.

Cautiously, Walter moved yet closer. He gently touched Alex's arm. "Don't doubt me, Alex. I am willing to give up my world for you. Mulder will help us regardless of what you choose to do about the way he feels about you. He has desired you for a long time. He could love you as much as I do."

When Alex met his eyes, Walter felt safe in raising his hand, stroking the slight stubble on Alex's elegant cheek.

His voice still rough, Alex said, "I keep telling you that's it's not about love."

"Yeah, and for every time you say that, I'll remind you that it's not true," Walter said.

"Stubborn bastard," Alex said.

"Both of us," Walter said. "All three of us."

"I guess I won't know about Mulder until I see you together," Alex said.

"Not without you," Walter replied.

"Okay," Alex said. "Maybe."

Winding his arms around Walter, Alex initiated a kiss, a rare thing for him. After his green agent days, he would often be the one to pull Walter into bed, but seldom asked for or seemed to expect affection.

"Do we really want breakfast?" Walter asked.

A rumble from Alex's stomach answered that. His lips twitched into a smile and he nodded.

OooOooO

Mulder had fought the urge to listen at the bedroom door, wistful thoughts of the spy gear Frohike always wanted to loan him dancing in his head. He couldn't read anything in Walter's face, long schooled to bureaucratic blankness or in Alex's face, frozen into its mask of beauty.

"I served you already," Mulder said.

"Nice to see you have a domestic side," Walter said. He sat down, grasping the pitcher of orange juice to pour Alex a hearty glass.

"Just call me Mrs. Cleaver, Wally," Mulder said.

"I told you never call me that," Walter said.

"That leaves me to be the beaver?" Alex said.

"Just because you're the cute one," Mulder said. "Have one of the breakfast steaks, Alex. You need to eat."

"Thanks, Mulder," Alex said. "I don't understand why you and Walter are being so damned nice, but I guess I should just enjoy it."

Mulder's eyes met Walter's and they smiled at each other.

OooOooO

Tucked into Walter's arms, his feet resting on Mulder's legs, Alex looked like a well beloved cat. His fingers traced Walter's biceps fondly. Mulder was content for once, reaching out to stir the fire occasionally, but mostly soaking in the heat and watching his lovers.

"This is nice," Alex said. "Although it seems as if we should do something besides laze around all day."

"We could go get a Christmas tree," Mulder suggested.

"Mulder, you're Jewish," Alex replied.

"Only half, and my mother was never very observant. She only had the Bar Mitzvah because my best friend had such a good one. Mom always envisioned herself on the society page...at least, she did until we lost Sam," Mulder said.

"I don't ever remember you celebrating Christmas," Walter said. "You were one of the few agents who never took holiday leave."

"Well, we've all undergone a sea change," Mulder explained. "Maybe I want to celebrate."

"I haven't said 'yes' yet," Alex said.

"You will," Mulder said.

A smile danced across Alex's face. "Arrogant son of a bitch."

"Yes," Mulder said, "But I'm right, aren't I?"

A duck of the head and then a breathy, "Yes," emerged from Alex's throat.

"And now you've said 'yes'," Mulder shot out, gleefully.

Thumping Mulder on the head, Walter said, "Asshole."

"You never complain about mine when you're in it," Mulder said.

"Man, how could I have missed the signals?" Alex complained. "I guess I'm lucky you both want me and not just each other."

"No, angel," Mulder said, tenderly. "Not lucky. Our love was supposed to be. The three of us. If you believe nothing else, believe that."

"I want to," Alex said.

"If we're going to get this tree," Walter growled. "We better get going. When I was out walking, I spotted a perfect candidate. Not that I was looking for a tree, but..."

"Sentimental?" Mulder said. "I guess I'm not the only one."

"Yeah," Walter said. "It's not such a bad thing especially when...when we get a chance to do over a time we regret."

Taking in Alex's puzzled look, Walter could have kicked himself. He said, "Never mind me. It was a metaphor, a failed one. Do you feel up to a long walk, Alex?"

"I'm fine," Alex replied, seemingly puzzled. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You had a blow to your head," Walter said. "That's why I brought you here...to recover."

"I don't remember," Alex said.

Shaking his head at Mulder, Walter said, "Memory loss after an injury is relatively common. Don't worry about it."

"Never happened to me before," Alex said.

"First time for everything," Walter assured.

"I feel fine now," Alex said. "And going to get a Christmas tree sounds fine. My family never did anything like that."

"Mine either," Mulder said.

"Great, dress warmly," Walter said.

OooOooO

While they were waiting for Alex to finish dressing, Mulder said, "Walter, we have to tell him. I can tell he's wondering what's really going on. I know if it was me that I would hate to..."

Mulder felt a lump grow in his throat as he remembered Alex's words from that trip to Tunguska, "be kept in the dark."

"I don't know," Walter argued. "If it was me, would I want to have my good days spoiled by the memory of darkness? Either way, why do it? Either Alex will heal and remember everything or he won't and he'll forget whatever we tell him regardless."

"I think you like him the way he is, the boy you seduced over and over again," Mulder shot back. He scowled at his lover.

"Mulder, you..." Walter started.

"Something wrong?" Alex asked. He emerged from the bedroom, wearing a green sweater and his favorite leather jacket over it.

"No, we were just discussing your health," Walter said.

"I feel great," Alex said. "like a new man."

"Come on then," Walter said. "We need to get that tree before it's dark."

Mulder shook his head, but he decided to bide his time. It was a unique situation; Walter could be right. Taking Alex's arm, Mulder let Walter lead the way.

The air was cold and the leaves beneath their feet wet. Puffs of fogged breath emerged from their mouths. Having forgotten gloves, Mulder warmed his hands in his own jacket until he decided that Alex's pockets were more inviting.

"Don't trip me," Alex warned, but he wiggled his butt invitingly beneath Mulder's probing hands.

Apple cheeks glowing in the cold, Alex looked younger than Mulder had ever seen him. "Where the hell are we anyway?" Alex asked.

"Just outside the Shenandoah National Forest," Mulder said. "Guess your buddy, Jeremiah has some friends with money. This is a hell of an expensive piece of recreational property."

"Jeremiah?" Alex asked. "I don't know a Jeremiah."

"Not yet," Mulder reminded himself.

"Mulder, you are one weird fucker," Alex remarked.

"You're not the first to say that," Mulder admitted. He smiled at Alex and said, "I'm glad to be here with you and Walter."

A wisp of smile crossed Alex's lips and he said, "Yeah, could be my best Christmas so far."

The tree that Walter remembered was lovely. "Fraser Fir," Walter identified.

Mulder shrugged and said, "All the same to me."

"I did some time as forest ranger," Walter admitted. "It was right after I came home from the war. I needed to be alone and it was a good excuse. I can identify most of the flora and fauna of these mountains to this day."

"Bet you looked good in that uniform too," Mulder remarked.

"Do you know how to handle an ax?" Walter asked.

"No, other than having seen the Shining seven times," Mulder said.

"I'll chop the tree down then," Walter said, "Unless Alex wants a turn?"

"It's all yours," Alex said, letting Mulder fold him into his arms.

Nuzzling Alex's neck, Mulder let his hands explore as freely as they could beneath the layers of Alex's clothing. The man did like to dress warmly.

Looking back from his labor, Walter grumbled, "Are you enjoying the show, you two?"

"Immensely," Mulder purred. "You look so hot, nice and sweaty with your muscles all tight."

"I agree," Alex said. "I could watch all night."

"This..." Walter grunted as he swung the axe again. "Isn't..." and the solid thump of metal against wood sounded again. "As easy as it looks." The last words emerging in a rush as he took one last swing.

The tree toppled. Walter puffed his chest, his hands on his narrow hips and looked at it with satisfaction.

A moment later, Walter said, "Well, come on, help me trim the branches and tie it up so we can take it back."

"Arboreal bondage?" Mulder commented as they wrapped the remaining branches in rope after Walter chopped off the lower branches.

"You really haven't done any of this before!" Walter replied. He dusted his gloves and said, "Well, we have a tree and I saw a box of ornaments. Now all we need is Christmas dinner. I'll have to go into town. You keep an eye on Alex. I don't want him to have another fainting spell."

"I had a fainting spell?" Alex asked. "Isn't that awfully antebellum of me?"

"It's not funny," Walter said. "You were hurt and I'm worried about you."

Alex shrugged, but didn't seem concerned. Mulder could tell that Alex was turned on by the constant flirting and caressing. After they walked back to the cabin, Walter gave Alex a long kiss and patted Mulder's ass before grabbing Mulder's keys to make the trip. "I'm sure you and Alex can find something to do while I'm gone."

"But I thought we all three," Alex said, scowling.

"The first time for you and Mulder," Walter said, "That should be private. Enjoy yourself, Alex. You really have my blessing if you need it."

"I love you, Walter," Alex said.

"I know," Walter replied, looking at Mulder. "Be careful with each other. Be gentle."

"I will," Mulder promised. He put his hand around the back of Walter's neck, pulling his face toward him for a kiss. "Hurry back."

"Don't let him sleep," Walter said. "Or we could end up doing this all over again or worse."

"I don't want to deal with a three year old Alex," Mulder said.

"Me neither," Walter agreed.

OooOooO

Finding Alex staring out into the clearing, Mulder put an arm around his waist and nuzzled into his neck, finding that magical spot beneath Alex's ear and just above the line of his jaw that always made Alex arch and purr. He paid slow sensuous attention to the cluster of nerves until Alex reached back to grab him and pull him around.

Pinned against the wall, Alex's tongue exploring his mouth while his hand nimbly unzipped his pants, Mulder loved the reversal.

"You want to fuck me?" Alex growled. "Me first."

That sounded good too. "Fine with me," Mulder said, "If you think that you're up to it, Junior."

Alex was all heat, all velvet skin. He was eager and it was easy for Mulder to believe that it was the first time for them. Mulder loved the way Alex's fingers trembled as he finished undressing him, the way his green eyes flashed and his mouth opened in wonder. He just hoped that he could make it as wonderful as Alex seemed to expect.

The rush to the bed was so eager that they forgot to let go of each other's hands and momentarily caught in the doorway. The stop was just long enough to kiss again, to lose themselves in each other until Alex wriggled through and pulled Mulder with him.

They fell across the bed, hands fierce upon each other. Alex's breath kept catching as he prepared Mulder, his eyes nearly crossing as he fought for control. It made Mulder remember the first time that he had let Alex take him this way. That too had been intense, perfect; it had been years into their relationship...Mulder had not surrendered that much of himself until the two of them had become comrades in war and in their love of Walter. Years wasted...

"Ready?" Alex asked.

Mulder waited a minute, enjoying the single minded lust in Alex's face. Alex's teeth were bared, white, even, and a tiny thrust of tongue showed between them. "Yeah, yeah, more than ready," Mulder replied.

As careful as if Mulder was made of glass, Alex thrust slowly inside. There wasn't much of a burn...not after the way the three of them had celebrated the information that Alex had brought to them last week. Mulder felt Alex's hand on his cock as his own worked it. He hardly needed the friction. It was enough that Alex was inside him, that Alex moved hard against him, that Alex's sweat anointed him as he rode him.

Coming was a bright consuming flash of pleasure and coming back to himself with his fingers digging into the bedding. Alex slowly toppled to one side, gasping and grinning.

"Damn," Alex said when he could breathe again. "Damn."

"Double damn is one of my higher ratings," Mulder remarked, reaching over to tousle Alex's hair.

Alex yawned and Mulder remembered Walter's warning. He tickled Alex until Alex batted his hands away. "Come on Mulder," Alex said. "I just want to take a nap until Walter comes home."

"You can't sleep right now," Mulder said.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"Because," Mulder started and considered several plausible lies, "Because if you sleep, you'll wake up at a different time of your life and you'll forget what happened so far today."

"Are you fucking crazy?" Alex asked.

"No, Alex, I think you need to hear this," Mulder said. He took a deep breath and prepared to tell Alex everything that had happened recently.

OooOooO

Something white flashed for a moment. Walter swerved to avoid hitting it and realized that it was a man. It was Alex. He stopped the car and chased his lover down, capturing him finally when he tripped over a tree root.

"What the hell?" Walter asked.

"Mulder told me," Alex said. "You must be having fun, controlling everything, having a dozen different lovers to fuck all in one man. How could you?"

"How could I tell you?" Walter replied. "What use would it be? Until you heal you'll forget. All I can do is give you one perfect day at a time. I just want you to be happy."

"Then fix me," Alex said. "Fix me. How can I live this way? I can't defend myself. I can't defend you. I could turn on you or Mulder, thinking I'm caught in some dark turn in my history!"

"You won't," Walter said.

"How do you know?" Alex asked. "There's no guarantee. Mulder said there were times I was opposed to you. Times I was ready to sell myself, you, anyone to live another day."

"But you never did...you always made sure we came out of it alive," Walter assured. He reached for Alex carefully, not wanting to startle him into running. "Alex, there was never a time when the hate was not balanced with love. Never a time when even the worst thing you did could kill what I feel for you. You can believe that."

Slowly, Alex folded into his arms, letting himself surrender to Walter, weeping silently until Walter was able to lead him to the car and bring him back to the cabin.

OooOooO

Mulder's frantic search ended when he saw that Walter was not alone in the car. He stood, feeling guilty, as Walter led their lover out of the vehicle. He hesitated until Alex held out a hand.

"Mulder, you gave me the truth and, for that, I am grateful," Alex said.

Bringing Alex's cold hand to his lips, Mulder kissed the trembling hand. "You ran from me."

"Sometimes we run from the truth," Alex said, "But it always finds us, doesn't it? I am trying to see how I can live with this truth, but I don't see a way. I would be a liability."

"No, never," Mulder swore, "You make us stronger."

"How?" Alex asked. "Brain damaged...unreliable. You should just kill me."

"Believe me, Alex, there was a time when I could have done that, but now, I might as well kill myself as harm you," Mulder said, pulling both of his lovers into his embrace. "I can't live without you any longer."

"We can't live without each other," Walter echoed. "We'll find a way to resolve this. Right now, you need to get those wet clothes off and into bed."

"All right," Alex said, letting his lovers undress him.

Between them, his ass pressed to Walter's groin, his face buried in Mulder's neck, Alex slowly warmed and relaxed. Mulder felt the difference as Alex sucked in a tiny bit of his skin, mouthed it, and moved on. Alex's hand found his nipple, circling it and teasing it erect.

"Fuck me, Walter," Alex ordered. His cock pressed into Mulder's, letting the friction of their bodies do the rest as they traded kisses with each other and with Walter.

Mulder thought it was perfect. Having two lovers satisfied his voyeuristic urges at the same time as he could experience the human touch he had denied himself for so long.

Alex gasped into his mouth as they kissed. His lover surged against him, pulled him tight as he writhed in response to the slow thrusts. Mulder could tell by Walter's expression that he was going to come soon. They moved with each other, coming within minutes, one after the other. Lying in a sweaty, come-splattered heap, the three men were replete, satisfied beyond any need.

"I hope I remember this some day," Alex said wistfully as sleep pulled him down.

"If not," Mulder promised, "We'll remember for you."

"I guess that will have to be good enough," Alex said, wistfully. He stared into the dim light until at last his eyes could stay open no longer.

"Love you," Mulder said. Leaning down, he kissed each dusky lid and said, "Remember me when you wake."

The smile that crossed Alex's face was not a promise, but it would do.

Walter's caress was gentle and surprising. Mulder had thought his other lover was asleep. Walter had the unromantic habit of falling asleep soon after orgasm, not that bothered Mulder, especially since it left him with a cuddly Alex to play with. Walter's brown eyes were soft and warm. Mulder returned the look and reached out to anchor his hand on Walter's arm, crossing Alex's chest in a secure hold. They were together. They would find a way to stay alive and with each other. That Mulder believed.

OooOooO

A horrific scream woke Walter. The peaceful bed became a hubbub of thrashing limbs.

"My arm, my arm! Mulder, you fucking bastard!" Alex screamed. He hit out blindly. "They took my arm. They cut it off."

Kneeling in the bed, Alex clutched his left arm, oblivious to the intact state of it. His eyes were wide, pupils nearly filling the iris. His head arched back to scream again when Walter reached for him.

Wild strength pushed Walter away, tumbled him across Mulder, whose breath expelled with a whoosh.

Eyes meeting, both men acted with one thought before Alex could go far and either hurt himself or find something that could prove deadly to them. They tackled him and held him down, struggling desperately.

"Not my other arm," Alex screamed, biting Walter's arm.

"God damn it," Walter swore, barely managing to hold on.

Meanwhile Mulder managed to twist Alex's left arm into the man's view. "Here's your damn arm, Alex. It's fine."

"Was it a nightmare? Let me go. I'm fine," Alex said. He looked timidly around him and asked, "What is Skinner doing here? We were in Russia. I jumped off the truck and...I fell asleep in the woods with a group of one-armed men. I thought...I dreamed they cut off my arm."

"Did you follow us to Russia, Wa...Skinner," Alex asked. "Did you stop them?"

The wonder in Alex's voice, the gratitude made Walter wish he had given into the impulse to take his old lover back into his bed. To keep him safe. To forgive anything and have him again. He could have stopped what was to come. He could have had his Alex back sooner.

"I wish I had," Walter said. "I really wish."

"Then how did you get here?" Alex asked plaintively.

"Alex, we have something to tell you," Walter said. At least it was easier to tell this Alex the truth. Knowing he was safe out of the Russian tragedy should ease the stress of his present condition.

Taking it all in, Alex accepted the news easily. Walter hoped it was his low key presentation of the facts that kept Alex calm this time; that and the number of bizarre experiences Alex could remember at this stage in his life.

"It's a lot to think about," Alex said when Walter finished. "I need to be alone awhile to get used to the idea."

"Are you sure?" Mulder asked.

"Yeah," Alex said. "Don't worry about me. Hey, maybe Walter could make something for use to eat. The last thing I remember eating was cabbage soup with a cockroach chaser." He glanced at Mulder, a flicker of a smile dancing on his lips.

"I remember," Mulder said.

"I'm going to grab a shower too," Alex said, "So take your time, Walter. I'd like a steak sandwich or something like that."

"I can do that," Walter replied, tugging Mulder behind him.

Taking out steak, Walter said, "Mulder, get a frying pan out, will you?"

"Sure, Walter," Mulder said, squatting to retrieve the pan.

"That went really well," Walter said.

"It did," Mulder said then he frowned. "Shit, too well, that's not like Alex. Alex!!!"

Following Mulder, Walter was in time to see him catch Alex's foot just before it disappeared out the window. It wasn't as easy as that. Alex kicked back, almost getting loose. It was a tug of war with most of Alex out the window, then back, and finally both men tumbled out into a heap of flailing limbs. Walter managed to get out without falling on the combatants.

Diving in, Walter captured Alex by the collar. Mulder regained control although he was still red faced and walked a distance away until his shattered dignity was restored. Avoiding a punch, Walter said, "Get your ass back in the cabin, Alex."

A polyglot of curses in various languages was his reply, but Alex was secure in his grasp and finally stopped fighting him. Sulkily, Alex sat in the kitchen, under Mulder's watchful eye. Using a fresh pan, Walter resumed cooking the late night dinner.

"I don't know why you bothered making up that bullshit," Alex said. "You shouldn't try playing mind games with me, Walter. I've been worked over by experts."

"I know," Walter said. Looking at Mulder, Walter commented, "We can't keep doing this. Someone's going to get hurt. You have luck and Alex has youth and skill. I'm afraid it's going to me."

"I suppose we could record something," Mulder said. "Have Alex tell himself what's going on. He's the only one all of his incarnations would believe."

"Good idea," Walter said.

"I said, knock off the bullshit," Alex snapped, but he looked as if he was starting to suspect that Walter and Mulder were telling the truth.

"Go turn on the TV," Mulder said. "Any channel, all of them."

"Why?" Alex asked, scowling.

"You're going to find that it's later than you think," Mulder said, rubbing a sore spot. "Go on ... unless you're too afraid to see I'm right."

"Mulder, grow up," Alex said, "Double dare me, why don't you?"

Knowing his lovers, Walter knew what would happen next. Alex sat, his face turned to the side and tilted upward as he tried to ignore his impulses. He sighed, his foot twitching.

"It's not like I care what you think," Alex remarked as he stood up and walked into the living room. He stood in front of the TV with the remote and switched on the set.

Satellite delivery insured a good selection of channels. Alex flickered through the offerings, pausing at several news stations.

"You could have set this all up," Alex said. He threw the remote down and stalked away.

"After we eat, we can go for a drive," Walter said. "You pick a direction and we'll look at newspapers at as many places as you pick."

"So what did you do? Set up every place for miles around with fake papers?" Alex asked.

"And they call me paranoid," Mulder said.

"It's not paranoia when they're really after you," Alex said. "I wouldn't put it past you to come up with some elaborate scheme to get me to talk. Your geek friends could have helped you set it up."

"Alex, now who is full of shit?" Mulder asked. "Come on, where would I get the money and the time? Why would I set up such an elaborate scheme when I thought you were dead? As far as I knew, Spender and his buddies killed you soon after we returned from Hong Kong."

"I'll believe it if I see the evidence that I lost all those years," Alex said.

"Good. Now sit down and eat," Walter said. "You asked for the food. Don't waste it."

OooOooO

Not satisfied with the results of the first convenience store at which they stopped, Alex insisted that they pull into a larger store, a supermarket next to the grange.

Trying to act as if he was not increasingly frantic, Alex knelt by the magazine rack, thumbing through the periodicals as if looking for some specific title. He walked away when the clerk asked him for the third time if there was something with which he could help him.

Thinking that Alex must now be satisfied, Mulder didn't understand why Alex walked through the aisles of the store, looking randomly at cans and packages. Walter, growing impatient, said, "We have plenty of groceries at home, Alex, unless there's something specific you're wanting."

A quick furious look shut Walter up. Mulder's lover looked at him and shrugged.

Mulder got it as Alex turned a plastic bottle of water around. He said, "Walter, he's looking for pull dates."

"I wouldn't have thought of that," Walter said.

"So Alex, what do you think? We manufactured an entire store full of goods with fake pull dates just to play with your mind?" Mulder asked.

Shoulders sinking, Alex kicked at a display and said, "No, I guess not. I'm fucked. How in the hell can I survive like this? I don't have the right information. That's my life blood, finding out what people don't want me to know."

"We'll take care of you, Alex," Walter said.

"Oh, hell, you can't even keep each other safe," Alex shot back, but he followed Walter out of the store.

Inside the car, Mulder reached carefully to put his hand on Alex's shoulder. Alex flinched away, but then made himself relax beneath the touch. Reading Alex's thought sequences, Mulder sighed and said, "It's not like that. You don't have to sleep with either of us if you don't want. Someday, you'll understand what it's like to be loved."

Wounded eyes gazed back at him. Alex said, "I want to believe you, Mulder, but it's not the easiest thing to imagine. I could see it if you said you were both fucking me, but a relationship? Get real."

"Oh, there's more to it than love," Mulder said, "Working together. Respecting each other. In fact, those were first, mixed with sex, of course, but we did learn to love. And it's damn good when we're not two hairs in front of people who want to kill us or worse."

"Worse?" Alex asked.

"Worse," Walter agreed.

"I'm not sure if I can handle worse," Alex said with a shudder. "You going to tell me about this?"

Exchanging glances with Walter, Mulder said, "Yes, you're entitled to any information you need to know. Shall I start?"

"Not yet," Alex said. "I saw a tree. We were going to have Christmas?"

"We are going to have Christmas," Walter promised.

"That sounds nice, weird, but nice," Alex said. "I'll wait to hear about the rest of it. Sounds like some of the shit I've been finding out about is even worse than I thought."

"No shit," Mulder replied, but he tousled Alex's hair affectionately right after his comment.

The look from Alex's eyes made Mulder wish he had reached out to him years ago. Maybe that was why Alex had been set adrift in time. So Walter and Mulder could experience what it would have been like to make peace with him, to turn him to their side at all the turnings of fate.

OooOooO

"Can we decorate the tree?" Alex asked as soon as they stepped into the cabin.

"My father always liked the tree to rest overnight so the branches would fall before we decorated it," Walter said.

At the disappointed look, Walter shrugged and said, "But it looks fine to me. Let's see what we have to put on it."

There was nothing much in the box. Some tinsel, ornaments of eclectic decades, nothing antique or fancy, but there was a box of bright blue glass balls, a mostly intact garland of gold, and some small red ornaments that looked like berries. For the joy that Alex took in decorating the tree, it might well have been the most elegant Tiffany bulbs.

"We used to have a tree like this when I was a little kid," Alex said. "It was good then. I had a good life until that night right before graduation. I thought I could be so smart. Just whip on my superhero cloak."

"No regrets, Alex," Mulder said. "That's not what you do. Maybe there might have been better ways to get where we are today, but we still ended up where we needed to be, working together, loving each other."

"Needs something," Alex said, standing back to look at the tree.

There was nothing left in the box except a few shards of glass and some shreds of tinsel. Walter said, "It'll have to go lacking then unless we want to use some CDs like Langly did that year."

"I didn't bring any to spare," Mulder said.

"Popcorn strings," Alex said. "I saw some popcorn in the kitchen."

"Brilliant," Walter said. "We'll go pop some, enough to string and to have some as a snack."

"The man with the plan," Alex remarked.

Walter had watched the wariness fade from Alex's eyes. He would have thought this Alex was at his most feral, as dangerous as any wounded animal, but his lover had responded rapidly to their caring. More regrets that he hadn't given into his urge to take Alex in from his balcony and take him back into his bed. The past, despite the way that Alex was reliving it, was not mutable. The best thing Walter could do is make the future as sweet for Alex, Mulder, and himself as possible.

As Alex finished his side of the popcorn string, he leaned forward, put his hand around Walter's neck and kissed him. "I'm glad to be here, glad to be safe, and that tonight I'll lie between you and Mulder, not in that cold forest, not suffering and wishing I could die. Thank you, Walter. Thank you, Mulder."

"Nothing to thank us for," Mulder said. "Not yet, but in a short while, I plan to give you something to thank me for." Shooting Alex a wicked grin, complete with waggling eyebrows, Mulder smirked until Alex's rapid chuckle sounded.

"All right, thank you in advance," Alex said, "Just remember, I haven't been with both of you before, not that I remember. Make it good for me."

"We will," Walter said. This was the only good thing about Alex's condition. They could rediscover that wonderful night over and over.

OooOooO

Mulder woke first the next morning. No surprise, he was always a light sleeper, even when he was a boy. He slipped out of bed quietly, trying not to disturb either of his lovers, but Alex's leg was tangled with Mulder's and Walter's hand had been splayed possessively over his ass. Both men woke when he wriggled away from them. He couldn't remember how he ended up in the middle. Alex had been there when they went to sleep.

"Sorry, need to piss," Mulder said.

"Hey, Mulder?" Alex said, his voice wavering. "What happened? I mean, last thing I remember Walter's clone had shot me. I saw the fucking bullet heading for me and I thought I was finally out of game."

"No, just down for a while," Mulder said. This Alex was oriented to the present or at least to recent events. "Jeremiah Smith healed you as best as he could."

"I have a bad headache," Alex said. "Did that bullet hit me? The last one that he aimed at my skull?"

"Hit you right here," Walter said, pointing to the middle of his forehead.

Mulder grimaced and said, "Let Walter fill you in. I really have to piss. Shouldn't have had that last drink."

As earthly pleasures rated, relieving a full bladder shouldn't have much of a score, but it felt pretty damn good this morning. They had polished off a large bottle of champagne last night and it always had this effect on Mulder. He took his time, feeling unable to explain to Alex about his condition. He knew how he would feel about it, losing control of his mind. Hell, he remembered how it felt when the rubbing from the alien artifact had affected his brain.

By the time, Mulder returned, Walter must have finished with his explanation. Alex was wrapped in his powerful arms. Alex reached for Mulder as soon as he entered the room and Mulder rejoined them on the bed.

"I'm okay," Alex assured. "I can deal with it if you can."

"I love you any way life takes us," Mulder said. He meant it. Strange how this played out; He needed Alex as his partner. That was what had formed the bond, fighting both the aliens and the remainder of the human collaborators, not to mention those individuals and organizations that were capable of monstrous deeds to try to fight the invasion.

As Mulder had lost his innocence and Alex regained his conscience, they had met together in the middle. Walter found his strength in them, adding his long term thinking, his balance to the mix.

Mulder's spirituality was never that of Dana Scully's. His faith was not divorced from his intellectual being. He saw there was more in the universe than science could explain yet did not see in it the acts of a Christian or even of a Jewish god that Scully somehow still could believe in. Yet he could believe that there were things that were fated. Why else had three strong and different men found each other in love when they had every reason to hate? Why when they were so much more together than apart?

When Alex stopped shaking, his words were characteristic. "It's fucked, but I'll deal with it since I don't have a choice. We may as well start working on some precautions now."

"What kind of precautions?" Mulder asked.

"Get me a camcorder," Alex said. "We'll need a player as well. We're going to make a morning show for me."

OooOooO

Sitting out on the porch to watch the sun rise, Mulder could not guess what the new year would hold for them. He leaned back into Walter's embrace. Despite the chill, they had left the door ajar to hear when Alex woke.

A few moments after the first rays pierced the gray of the fading night, they heard the sound of Alex's voice, calm, amused, in control. They listened despite having heard it dozens of times as Alex explained to himself what had happened, caught whatever stage of his life in which he woke up to date.

Yet later, Alex came out, freshly showered and shaved, insinuated himself between his lovers.

"Good morning," Alex said.

"Morning, love," Mulder replied.

"A very good morning," Walter said. "Any day I wake with you."

"You aren't going to ask how I woke up this morning? When I thought it was?" Alex said.

"Only if you want to tell us," Walter said.

"I thought it was the morning after we all three slept through the night with each other. I woke up and I was so happy. Then I saw the sign and watched the video. You know what? I'm still happy. If I have only one day, then each day is perfect when it begins and ends with you," Alex said softly.

Perhaps, someday Alex would be healed. Jeremiah was looking for his mentor, a healer more powerful than he was. He hoped that Alex's injuries would heal and he would no longer drift in time.

Meanwhile, they had each other. It was enough. It was grace.

The end.

1. govnosos! Nu vse tebe pizda! Shit sucker! That's it; you're fucking dead!
2. Shut up

If you enjoyed this story, please feed the author.

Title: Every Morning Our Love is New
Author: Ursula
Details: 90k  ·  NC-17  ·  Standalone  ·  12/29/05  ·   Email/Website   
Gossamer Category(Keywords): Story   [Romance, Angst]   (Slash)
Characters: Mulder, Krycek, and Skinner  
Pairings: M/K, Sk/K, M/Sk/K
SPOILERS: post series spoilers for all Krycek episodes
SUMMARY: Krycek is healed imperfectly after an accident.

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